


Heather

by Kittygetskilled



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: #junkoisoverparty, #please kill me, /j, 2 chapters, ?? - Freeform, AWOOGA, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, HPA AU, Help, How Do I Tag, Humor, I am a multishipper dont hurt me, It’s mildly like to all the other boys I’ve loved before but not, Jealous Oma Kokichi, Jealousy, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Nail Painting, Oumami, Read It Or Die, STRICTLY saiouma, Sexy, So yes, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Unironically using awooga, but not, but not a song fic, haha - Freeform, help me, hhhhh, i am in hell, im so funny, make it a tag or else, multi-chapter, next, ok, platonic nail painting, platonic oumami, please, please read it I spent a month on it, pog - Freeform, poggers, rantaro is a good friend, shuichi is confident, tHANK U, why is that not a tag, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittygetskilled/pseuds/Kittygetskilled
Summary: “Okay...? Oh! Did he want to tell us he actually works for Playboy? I was *sure* I saw him on last month’s issue!”Shuichi, overhearing, sputters and defends his honor.“You- you wish, Kokichi!”
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	Heather

Kokichi locked eyes with the blonde leader, (which, by the fucking way was outrageous, he’s the Ultimate Supreme Leader, not the piano chick) she gave him a gentle smile and a friendly wave. And he knew he couldn’t hate her. Not even when she was holding hands and, dear god, *kissing* Shuichi Saihara. 

When he first saw Kaede kiss Shuichi, it was December. They were out on a walk, like they usually do, and Kaede had a sheepish look on her face as she announced her and the detective were dating. Kokichi swore could *hear* the crack of his world shattering as soon as the words, “so, me and shu-shu here are dating!” 

He laughed it off and made a joke about Shuichi finally getting some pussy, before pretending to go bother Gonta again. 

—

He remembered the first day of 3rd grade, when Kokichi walked in, with his chipped teeth and scraped up knees, and laid eyes on the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. The epitome of class and style, and *awooga*  
was he the ‘G’ in LGBT. 

Shuichi Saihara, even if he wasn’t aware of it, was a lady killer. (Literally, he killed women.) And Kokichi Ouma, the little dick, *had* to be as close as possible to the boy. 

So, he passed every. Single. Test. He made sure to get right into honors with Shuichi, and they were eventually paired together in a phycology lecture in high school. 

“Oh wow! *The* Shuichi Saihara? Paired with little old me? I could die right now!”

“I know, I know, I’m drop dead gorgeous, aren’t I?”

Kokichi blinked, did the most uptight and seemingly conservative man on the /planet/ just make a joke?

“Who are you?! Oh, my betrothed, Shuichi, has left me to do all the work on my own, what a slacker!” Kokichi draped his arm over his face in faux distress. 

“No, that’s wrong!” Shuichi panically yelled out. Causing most of the class to stare and shush him. Which in turn made the taller boy shrink into himself and pull down his hat. 

“Jeez, Mr. Emo! How am I supposed to, uh,” he glanced at the assignment and squinted at the paper, “huh, actually we could just do this on our own.” 

The observation made the anxious boy snort and relax. 

“Yeah, but it would be easier to split the packet in half so we can share the workload.” 

“I think I got that, Sherlock. We’re both in the same class aren’t we?” Kokichi spat out with no malicious intent.

Picking up on this, Saihara lifted his hat and killed Kokichi Ouma. He totally did. Shuichi Saihara, in classroom 530, with his dangerously handsome eyes.

Kokichi made a noise akin to that of a bird being strangled. In concern, Shuichi touched the liar’s shoulder. And Kokichi, unfortunately no lie, fainted.

“Kokichi!”

*thump!*

—

And then Kokichi proceeded to wake up with a headache in the nurse’s office. He sat up slowly and groaned, gripping the slightly damp bandage on the side of his head. 

“Jesus...” Kokichi muttered.

“Oh! Jeez, thank god, you’re awake!” 

“Yeah, never been better!” Kokichi folded his arms behind his head, earning a yelp from the small boy.

Shuichi rolled his eyes, “mhm.”

“So, what time is it, or are you going to admire me forever- not that I mind,” Kokichi exclaimed, clasping his hands together and batting his eyelashes in an innocent manner.

“Gah,” Shuichi raised his arms in defense as he blushed wildly, “I think it’s around 5 PM...”

Kokichi blanched at the casual statement. “What?!” 

“Oh, yeah, you were asleep for quite a bit. You took a pretty hard hit to the head,” he pointed to the side of his head.

“And it didn’t seem important to mention,” he narrowed his eyes at the sweating boy.

“Ah-“

“Just kidding! A supreme leader like me could sleep for days and wouldn’t be in trouble! That is if someone didn’t try to poison me.”

“What about your subordinates? Who would attend to them?” Shuichi muses.

“They can take care of themselves! Especially when they know I’ve got a prostitute over!”

Shuichi’s eyes widened at the implication and choked. 

“Excuse me?!”

—

And now he was sitting across from Shuichi and Kaede lovingly feeding each other. Kokichi side-eyed Rantaro and gagged, which earned him a chuckle from Rantaro and and angry remark from Kiibo.

“Kokichi! I think we should respect Saihara-kun and Akamatsu-chan’s relationship!” 

He already had a headache. 

“Wow! Kiibo thinking for once! Aren’t you a robot? Do robots even have brains?

Miu cuts both of them off as she rambles on and on about CPUs and other technical details that mildly bored Kokichi. He just couldn’t get them cuddling out of his mind. 

“And so RAM, this thing that- hey, Cocaine-itchy! Where the fuck do you think you’re goin’?”

“As far away as I can to get away from your pig-faced bitch ass,” he deadpanned.

He had stood up abruptly, causing a small disruption to a majority of the table. The exception being the blonde and blue-haired freaks. 

“Just kidding! I actually completely forgot you even existed! Coulda been a coping mechanism to forget your face!”

He brings his finger up to his mouth as he bounces on the balls of his feet.

“That was another lie! Or maybe not? Who knows,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “ anyways, I think I’ll be leaving these lovebirds since the next thing Saihara-chan will be kissing is Kaede’s...” he slides his hand to the side of his mouth in a faux concern for her privacy. He barely whispers the next part, “ y’know, pri- vates?” 

He winks maniacally as he skips out of the cafe, the rest of the class, with the exception of two, decide to follow suit. Not wishing to see the next stage of Saihara and Kaede’s relationship *personally*. 

This left Kaede and Shuichi alone in the cafe.

“Shuichi.”

“Yeah...”

Kaede gave him a kind but frustrated look. 

“You have to tell him. This can’t go on forever.”

Shuichi sighed and collapsed on the table, Kaede proceeded to pat his back comfortingly.

After a moment he leaned back in his chair and draped his head over the edge. He ran a hand through his hair like Rantaro does when he’s thinking. 

He turns his head towards Kaede, “ how long have we been doing this,” and tilts it slightly.

Aforementioned person scratches her neck nervous and calmly says, “6 months...”

He fumbles and sits up panically. 

“And he hasn’t said anything? Nothing?!”

Kaede averts her eyes with a sheepish smile and Shuichi groans.

“You’re right. I think it’s time to break up.”

“Oh no! I’m *so* heartbroken!” 

Kaede giggles and fake cries until both of them are cackling. Eventually they were asked to leave for their volume. 

—

“Rantaroooooo! What am I going to do?!” 

“Ask him out?”

“He’s literally in love with Kaede- my god am I talking to the wax figure and not the human with a brain?” 

Rantaro chuckles as he paints Kokichi’s nails a vibrant purple. 

“Who’s to say, hm?”

“Shut up and add the rhinestones; green haired bastard...” 

Rantaro smiles and gently adds the silver gems to the other’s nails.

“Aaaaand... done! Take a gander, my dear sir.”

“Oh I certainly will, my liege,” he peers down at his nails and stares at them; infatuated.

He pouts and tells Rantaro that they’re the ugliest nails he’s seen. 

“Yeah, sure, Mr. Self-Proclaimed-Liar,” which grants a scoff and whine from the purple-haired man. “I was thinking about hosting a slumber party, what do you think?”

Kokichi hums and lifts a finger to his chin in contemplation.

“Oh, I forgot to mention,” he grins, “Shuichi will be there.”

—

“Hey! Ouma, over here!”

Kokichi begrudgingly walks over to the similarly purple-haired space idiot, “what.”

Kaito whispers something to him, which causes Kokichi to furrow his eyebrows.

“Okay...? Oh! Did he want to tell us he actually works for Playboy? I was *sure* I saw him on last month’s issue!”

Shuichi, overhearing, sputters and defends his honor.

“You- you wish, Kokichi!”

Ouma balked at the use of his first name, either Saihara had gotten extremely confident in the last two hours since he saw him, or he was slightly tipsy.

“Anyways, Kaede and I have an,” he giggles and shushes Kaede,” announcement to make!”

Kaede and him giggle and try not to burst into full-blown laughter as they say in unison, “we’re getting married!”

Kokichi’s eye twitches and gags playfully, hopefully getting across that he was “lying”. 

Kaito and Maki’s eyes bug out of their head, and Miu makes a *very* snide and vulgar comment. Tenko starts to cry and grips onto Himiko like they’re about to be sacrificed.

Then, the two laugh wildly and say that it was a joke. Kokichi lets out a faint breath of relief and prepares himself for the real announcement.

“We- Kaede, stop- BAHDHDHJD- stop laughing! We broke up!” 

Kaede giggles and nods, trying to be serious for a split-second before howling with laughter. 

The room goes silent and everyone looks, at least, partially bemused. Their laugh fades into small giggles and they tell everyone they’re being serious.

Kokichi tries *very* hard to keep his smile at bay, but eventually his muscles take over as he internally screams with glee.

He skips over to the bar and pours himself a glass of champagne, giggling with joy. Everyone else goes back to what they were doing, with the exception of a few giving their condolences and so forth.

The two giggle and tell the mournful ones it’s fine; that it was mutual. Kaede snorts and punches Shuichi’s shoulder playfully and whispers something in his ear. Shuichi goes alarmingly red, and seems to sober up quickly.

He awkwardly scoots over to Kokichi with a Solo cup, and pours himself a strong scotch. He clears his throat before taking a swig, almost choking, and nervously talking to Kokichi.

“So, you come here often?” Shuichi screams at himself very loudly in his subconscious. 

Kokichi gives him a weird look before taking a sip of his champagne, “that’s for me to know, and you to... find out? Maybe, who knows.” He shrugs and takes another sip. 

“Ahaha... you look... sexy? HOT! I MEANT HOT!” 

Kokichi laughs and teases him before pouring himself another glass. 

“Hey, if you ever *really* want to see me look sexy, meet me upstairs,” he winks and then declares it a lie.

Shuichi crushes his cup and gulps down whatever dignity he has left.

“Do you... maybe, I don’t know, go out?”

Kokichi blanches and slaps Shuichi. And then runs.

—

**Author's Note:**

> Sobs and cries and


End file.
